My advice is DO NOT LEAVE FOR THE OTHER WOMAN. Alternatively you can beg & plead with them to stay, you can guilt trip & shame them , manipulate the situation this approach does often work. I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. I have told him how I feel so many times, he doesnt seem to understand that I exist. This is an interesting thread. You are so right. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her. Especially when u marry young. Thanks, Rosy! Hes going through intense marriage counselling and trying to resolve issues within HIMSELF before moving on to another relationship. My wife and I have been married for 30 years, and just before Christmas she told me that she doesnt love me anymore, and wants to live on her own. It was around Christmas when it hit me how much I really lost. But she was acting strange so I looked at her call log on our mobile account. Thx Jules for your input. My story is a little different. My wife after 31 years decided to leave and live her own life. And we easily wouldve been very loving, caring, and committed to just that one woman as well. Theres the inevitably end of that perfect moment. His job, another story, but not for seeing anyone else. When your parents comes over, i show them respect & give them love. Remarkably, people heal. He, on the other hand is smug and proud of being able to sleep in, dine out, go on fantasy dates and is ready for his new baby with her. Its like my husband and I are two different people together. Change is never easy even if we wanted it. He is currently out of a job, so of course worried about what would happen to him should she decided to kick him out. I still pray that God will soften her heart and restore her love for me. Man who left wife for another woman now realizes his blunder Despite all that you should walk away and only strictly be with single-men, do not participate in open-relationships, Im sure it still hurts her even though she now has given him permission. Are you ashamed to have these feelings, your views are not popular with society if your gonna be honest with yourself. I personally wouldnt want someone who doesnt want me! I would have been happy for her. Whats the matter you miss going to the sock hops all those years? I know now thats a bad sign. I am now nearing the time to tell my wife of 40 years I am off, I have found another woman someone who makes me feel like a million dollars and has given me a reason tho get up in the morning, its gonna be tough but life goes on. I am having trouble staying married. If you have a question for Karen to tackle email life.style@fairfaxmedia.co.nz with Karen in the subject line. after 32 years and now being unhappy is there another choice than to leave? Its the worst any being can go through. After awhile, I said I would go to 50% and he said 45% which pissed me off so I said I wouldnt take any less than 55%. Shes proud too- she won the prize over me. I caught my wife cheating on me about a year and a half ago with a co-worker. I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. Im leaving for myself, but eventually I know I will go after the woman whom I love with all my heart. The past 20 years I have stayed in my marriage mostly for the sake of our 2 children which are both grown adults now. I am now fully functional on all aspects again which makes things so sad. What I didnt realize was: I married a partner I had no sexual interest in, but I could have married a partner I had lots of sexual interest in (as I now have). Love is tough. Work it out with your wife or not, its not a good idea. I see nothing productive that will come out of that. He told her it was over and that he couldnt see her or talk to her anymore. Rarely does someone deliberately seek an affair. And, sorry, but any woman that has a relationship with a married man needs to look at why she falls for the low fruit. But our connection was different from the start. Lessons can be learned from this (sadly) and I will never again live my life on someone elses terms nor prioritise their needs and wants. Im not saying to those that are deeply miserable it must continue, but what I am saying is the same as others, look at the WHOLE picture, and what you stand to lose by making the jump, if you must make the jump dont do it for another woman, dont do it for any reason than yourself. I dont want to leave my wife. I have seen many times, when the woman decides to plunder the assets, a man has worked decade to accumulate, in order to pursue her fantasy of her personal happiness. Marriage is risky. If you decide to go forward with your past love.remember this- everyone is on their best behavior now. Some of of our children took it well and some of our children have struggled more. Were Sole Mates, I am thinking about leaving. A month after I found out that my husband had a girlfriend, my brother passed away from cancer. Sorry yours probably was one of the bad ones. If Im hurting her now, what about all the times she hurt me in the past? And every time Ana kissed me and I closed my eyes to try and imagine my wife's smell I pushed these thoughts away because I thought of how miserable my life had been these pandemic years. Thank you for sharing your comment. YES to that! And THAT can wind up costing you a LOT more than a few shillings or drinks. Id say youre inches away from a sexual connection. Sometimes you just marry the wrong person and stay for the wrong reasons, no? MEN take care of their responsibilities and their families. There always was a block from being intimate, honest and true because of that. All rights reserved. Take care of yourself, Teresa. Ginger, To not hold tightly onto anything a marriage is indeed a great commitment and a necessary one if we are to raise children successfully. I wonder, how much of their happiness just an illusion. You earn your way out of an unhappy marriage ethically. create a culture of friendship & trust with the family you are about to leave so that your new so called happiness do not do, say or provide conflicts for your past, present and future. Im not looking to go find someone new, well, maybe a cat. And I made sure I was not going to be part of the statistic of a poverty stricken single mom. How long should I have to trust or to try, and why? It was messy for a while figuring that out, change isnt easy, ever, but sometimes absolutely necessary to grow. Can you believe that? Jenny, talk about judgement. you can have that with your wife again if you communicate. ! Well yes, but I pealed off the band aid for over a year. Most dont work quite that well in the love area do they? I am in complete awe of all of this. You can find a way forward, if you want to cut off the affair quickly have your wife text your work wife and tell her that you wont be available like you were in the past and if she crosses any lines that you will take legal action. She hasnt said anything about it making me look nicer, and tells me all the time she dont care what I do. It happens. What caused the first marriage to grow old, could be resurected but this guy sees himself a single hot commodity, living fancy free, with not strings, Boy has he got a hard lesson just waiting to teach hims reality. Others have made comments that they wished simply to be alone and free. Sure enough she is constantly begging him to come back. If there is one thing that is constant in this life, it is that nothing stays the same. Not sure what that means other than the obvious. We discussed kids even before we started dating, and through out the years we always agreed we can't decide, as in, she said she was about 70% not want and 30% want, and before meeting her I wanted kids but she changed me into thinking like her. New love can come along and fill a gap, unexpectedly, and it can be very real. you are not to blame for only being human. As do all men who think this is ok. Grow up XYs. I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn't want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting. I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. The Reasons A Man Has For Leaving In The First Place Will Often Influence Whether He Eventually Regrets Having Left: Men who leave their wives for other women often end up feeling regret once they figure out that the other woman or the relationship turned out to be an eye opening disappointment. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back My wife and I separated a year and a half ago. Yes, indeed he is. Ana always understood that my blueness was because I missed my girls all the time and she tried everything to cheer me up. All rights reserved. Betrayal and abandonment can have a physical, as well as emotional, impact. Amen Jen!! They work together and live together to this day. Have grace. I told him, There is no having your cake and eating it too. Decided he didnt want this live anymore. He said he was no longer happy and didnt love me anymore. This is what it seems. RIS. Ann An, I was suggesting just the opposite of old fashioned Cleavers Im saying DO NOT fall into those roles. It is really hard to keep trying. Sex? I didnt do anything wrong and neither did she. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Deeply. The difference Ive observed is, good people can and do cross the line, happy people (in their relationships) typically do not. And, it solves nothing because one person is simply replaced for another, and the person in crisis never knows who they are on their own. I tried everything to convince him to stay with me. It stings at first but its new and Im sure hes happy but I know the reality of him in a relationship. Archived post. She wasn't the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. When people do that its trying to take themselves off the hook for the affair. I have told my wife several times that Im just not happy. My mom was into technology, politics, traveling, church, community service, etc. Absolutely. I promise you, you absolutely played a role no matter how perfect and devoted you believe you were. -CHIP. Why do women not take responsibility for their own being, Why do women put it all on the men and blame the men for not allowing then to flourish? And is finally is being true to himself after 35 years of living behind a mask under a rock his head buried in the sand. She proposed to me. Even if nothing has happened yet, there is a very real possibility that could change very quickly. There were 12 of us and only my wifes father was fidelity though he was very successful in business. A lot of men talk about how unhappy and bored they are but what about the wife??!! I guess, we are not in the same wavelength when it comes to the definition of love. If lust is your compulsion, which is fleeting as well; be wary of throwing away a lifetime. 4, lastly, and most importantly. His depression had always been in full force, and since he gave up, he didnt have to worry. Who else is she open to besides you? Most people simply deny that the marriage is over, even though they know its been over for years. 2. I couldn't look at other women, it made me sick to my stomach. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. My parents were married over 50 years, but they really had very little in common but family and kids. I dont know if youre a religious person but,pray. I asked do you have a boyfriend? Of course she said no, and this is where a year+ of lying started. I am not and have not been in love with my wife for a long time. I learned I was not as evolved as she was in some areas that were important to her, and I wasnt going to be able to fill that void.. She needed something different and accidentally found it (if thats ever an accident). And Im determined to be happy for him. Try as you may, but infidelity is never justified. We are still together out of convenience, she stays home and I work, so that balance is there. Will you grieve your old love? Starting a new relationship after a long marriage can be exciting, but I must caution you that the friendship you describe is steeped in fantasy; almost every new relationship is. Shame on you. Kim. It was a shock and I felt totally betrayed. You are wrapped up in feelings of this other woman. We form a covanent with each other and God at the alter. I didnt find this woman then say I was unhappy. I understand to some degree as humans these are inevitable, but its catching yourself and fighting back. Dont have a bulls notion on where Im going to live!!! Ive never meet to hurt her but over the years I have due affairs. You likely played a role in it too and need to take responsibility for that. Why do men stay with a woman and use her then discard because they are tired. I hated what it did to his wife, I really did.When she found out about us she tried to be what she thought he wanted to save the marriage. Um.. you misunderstand. A man takes care of his family, ok, and a man can and most DO take care of their families even if divorced. I do not agree that people should stay in bad marriages for the sake of the institution, vows, kids, etc. Im even prepared to take care of them if they become senile, disabled for you. From this list, you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Im sorry youre going through this, I hope he is financially supporting you all. I would never be back with him. So stupid. Why not allow our loved ones to grow and change in the marriage and if its in different directions move on! What if we dont grow in the same direction as our spouse and one is happy and one is not or if its just time to move on.Not because anybody did anything wrong its just time.Society still gets really hot and bent out of shape as we see on comments here. Its a sad world to know we stay together because of love and commitment I say be happy of u are unhappy u cant make anyone happy so leave. 14 and 12. This leaves me consistently sad and hurt and waiting for something that probably will never happen. I highly recommend for you to leave your wife so she can be happy and she can see you miserable cause thats what you deserve for not being man enough in keeping your family together. Please do not leave comments spouting your opinion based on religion or throwing religious texts around. Starting another. 3, being completely honest with yourself. Social and high spirited. 24 years, 2 children, 40 years old and IM DONE! This was posted by u/used-veterinarian978 in r/trueoffmychest. If your wife has been unavailable emotionally or physically this can also cause an affair to happen, so talk to her tell her what you need. Did divorce help you? Lol if shed just be like June Cleaver, hed be like Ward Cleaver. He has relapsed twice. Live with any guilt. All these men think theyre so hot because their wives loved them enough to put up with them for so long LMAO I hope you end up alone bro. Keep plugging away and use any energy you have to take care of your beautiful children. I thought we were each others best friend. People say Its a midlife crisis, its not real love and its not sustainable in real life. There was a time when I said I am going to meet the previous girlfriend and share ministry insight with her and she said just go, where comes the trust? Its give and take on both sides. My husband. This is both a blessing and a curse. Let his selfish ness hurt him not you. I had to keep telling myself holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So I did myself a favor and forgave. Men dont get a free pass for being childish, immature and abandoning their wives to find greener pastures. The consequences of his decision are his. Remember when you were dating, how hard do us guys try, how hard do women try to look good etcthat goes away because we all get comfortable, we all start to take each other for granted. I have been married for 11 years. Alone, lonely and focus on introspection. She was from the generation that stayed no matter what. I am more the willing to do whatever it would take to reconnect with my wife but just not sure how to make that a reality. Yet, I cannot bear to bring pain upon my wife in her later years of life, nor to hurt my kids. I keep thinking, she ruined our family for this jack-ass?!?!?!? It is a road worth taking! occasionally giving her a small gift. 7. It is the night before I drop a bombshell on my wife of 20 years. Use and be used. I through myself at my husband for the last couple of years before I Called it a day and he absolutely confirmed what I knew by NEVER once fighting for me or US. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. I remember when I first met my wife. After much work, I have completely transformed and freed myself from the deep fog I have been living in. He and I are together again tho I swore I would never go there again and we are so happy. But he lost his self-esteem, and just basically gave up. So watch that one. Therefore, the highest task of living, in my opinion, is learning how to surf the waters of life and maintaining an inner sense of peace, joy, and happiness no matter what is happening. I do not want the other woman to be the perceived cause of a separation because it is not. Anna, Thats how karma works. you dont deserve to suffer and its not ok to hurt people around you because you suffer. Women should not be afraid also when the man reaches midlife crisis and starts wanting to feel young again. She comforted me and told me that everything will be okay and to have a nice trip. The mans wife has MS. And he should be caring for her, not looking out for someone else. My grandfather would have been a mess without her, her adult kids probably would have been mad because of the inconvenience it caused them, maybe a few would never speak to her again but that anger would be on them, and on my grandfather for not being the man he should have been, not her. How is that fair or equal. Once again, a friend of mine has split from her husband. Over the course of our entire marriage we had an agreement that I would work and she would take care of the house and kids, I let her handle the finances and never questioned her decisions. There are no answers and everyone is different. Everything is going to change you will never be accepted in her family house and thats how it goes. Aging changes everything our relationships, interests, goals, daily demands and responsibilities, and most of all, it requires us to increase our self-awareness the intimacy we depend upon in order to create what is commonly called happiness. Many people fail to increase their self-knowledge, ignore the voice within which is constantly trying to inform us, push feelings aside and/or completely negate them, and by the time we are 60 we will also be confronted with the absolute requirement to face our memories. If he did it to his wife, youre next up. Probably a sign that Ready To Leave already knows what he needs to do, seems like hes just looking for the courage to face his FEARS fear of what everyone will think, if it will work or not, fear of regret and so on. Married couples almost universally start off in love and with a sincere desire to remain faithful. @Benji S She made sure that the girls didn't refuse to see me. We never got married because he always said we did not need a piece of paper to let him know he loved me. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. Because THAT is a choice. Maybe she was a cold fish, maybe the relationship lacked energy and passion, and mom was pretty much settled in for the long haul banking on that holy marriage and those for long as I live vows, to keep it together. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Why do I feel I need the truth? I trusted him with my life, and Im pretty sure he is going through some kind of crisis. You cannot disrespect your wife of 32 years without disrespecting yourself either. And they will die wishing and wondering what if and if only. There can be abuse, narcissism, complacency, lack of passion, aging whatever it is, as painful as it is, I still believe both partners must respect the other persons right to leave the relationship. I am sorry you must keep forever with your wife husband your own mother. If you can honestly see yourself happier alone than with your partner than maybe you have something to look into. Affairs are DEVASTATING. I am biting my lip mostly which was the advice from my solicitor until finances are pinned down.
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