my boyfriend is unsure about our future

Psychology Today We agreed to try and work things out together. EDIT: He also says hes more of a go with the flow type of person and doesnt like planning the future so much. The first truth I will address is that relationships are hard. 10 Relationship Experts Share Insightful Advice on Distinguishing Between the Two. This can leave you feeling frustrated and confused as to why your boyfriend is suddenly unsure of your relationship. People do grow and change throughout a relationship. Group, a Graham Holdings Company. These conversations can be awkward and uncomfortable but are necessary to find a deeper connection with your partner. Now have a real conversation with him about this. You know, the lemon juice/cayenne pepper/maple syrup thing that Beyonc did that one time. My Boyfriend Unsure I encourage you to both work together towards building a relationship future that fulfills both of your wants and needs. Need help with your relationship? Relationships take work, intention and kindness and they are an enriching and important part of life. What is your timeline for deciding a future? The vibe of your relationship might be thrown off if you have completely different approaches to life, says Dr. Ritter. Reddit, Inc. 2023. How do you both navigate challenges together? The signs were there from the start. There is beauty in "I don't know," and if you ever hear it, weigh your options and prospect before heading for the door. To do so, men had some level of instinctual pursuit of multiple mating options, while women needed security and safety to raise vulnerable offspring with a partner. My Boyfriend How certain you are about the rightness of the relationship, How long youve been waiting for an answer, and. "If you are feeling uncertainty about a relationship, its important that you address the reasons for those feelings," he tells Bustle. If your partner is willing to meet you halfway, cool. If the answer is no, then its unlikely this relationship is right for you in the long run. WebLook at your early romantic relationships. If something still seems off, it may help to get an outside perspective, whether its from a friend, your mom, or a therapist. Do you only want to throw in the towel on the days when youre overwhelmed at work? If you want to trigger strong feelings of attraction and adoration in your man, you have to know how to get on the same frequency with him. Have been with my boyfriend nearing four years now. Probably shouldnt question his loyalty to you and this relationship. If so, I encourage you to get clear about what you are asking for. [Im falling for this guy Im dating, but hes moving away. Updated: April 10, 2021 Published: April 10, 2021. This approach can minimize the presence of criticism from your end and eliminate any defensiveness from your partner. Dear I Am Young and Still Learning, Its interesting to me that he didnt ask you the same question you asked him. We can accept this, and we know we can't be in control of every minute of every day. When it seems like things are at a standstill and youre unsure of what direction your relationship is headed, sometimes its wise to decide together to step back and focus on yourself for an agreed period of time. It is important to make sure you are clear on what you want and what you see for your relationship future as well and communicate this, it is essential to see if what YOU want and what your partner wants are compatible. Once you have an honest heart-to-heart and make a few changes, the doubt will hopefully start to fall away. Is he starting university, or a new business? Photo by ONYXprj/Getty Images Plus and PeopleImages/Getty Images Plus. Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Unless you know what you want your boyfriend will be getting mixed or confusing signals from you. He said again he was unsure if he would ever want to marry in the future but that he loved me etc. Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with not having a plan. It looks like you want A guy. It looks like you want A guy. Reassure him of your commitment to the relationship. It exists for every couple. by Betsy Sansby MS, LMFT, Jamie Ratowski LMFT, Jennie Heinze MA, LPC, Anita Gadhia-Smith PsyD, LCSW-C, LICSW, Linda Rio M.A., MFT, Sally LeBoy MFT, Michelle Henderson MA, LMHC, Carrie McCrudden LMHC, It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.. Some signs that can indicate he is feeling this way are if he stops contacting you regularly, no longer mentions future plans together, or cancels plans last minute more often. Change in Circumstances. Eventually, he said. If you're on the fence, it might be because a few major questions have yet to be answered, like whether or not you want kids, if you plan to get married, if youll ever get to move cross-country, and so on. Insecurity or Fear of Commitment. Weve always been big about bodily autonomy, but somehow I did not envision this being the first time we would butt heads over it. Look around your relationship and read the signs. 7 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, What Makes Men Emotionally Attached 3 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What Makes Men Feel Good Emotionally, How To Ask Him About His Past Relationships 4 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, Why Men Pull Away and What You Can Do About it, Is He Losing Interest Or Just Comfortable? My Boyfriend is Unsure About Our Future Have a question for Care and Feeding? By Wayne and Wanda. I am Young and Still Learning How to Live. You can observe and be curious without belittling. If your boyfriend has let you know that he is unsure about your future, believe him. Its completely understandable that after the crazy year weve all had, your boyfriend is hesitant to rock the boat and take what amounts to a huge step for him, since hes never cohabitated with a romantic partner. All rights reserved. If you are sure about him and he is not sure about you, you have some choices to make. I still feel a bit hurt and need to process my feelings about us. Set a time/ place where you can speak without phones, TV, video games, other people, etc. I have been thinking about what the next steps for our relationship are. I have these goals for myself in mind. I feel worried or concerned about your thoughts regarding our relationship. Also, remember that your partner may not follow the same script as you. "Asking this question allows you to focus on your own needs," Bennett says. Start any important discussion in a soft way, soft voice, gentle topic to begin that lead into the deeper stuff. button. He says he needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life and that he feels unsure about managing a relationship. Michelle Henderson, MA, LMHC www.nextchapter-counseling.com. Today, we discussed this again more seriously, as his time is preoccupied with full time work/part time studies/lockdown etc. Be sure to address the behaviors you are observing so he can clearly understand what you are attempting to discuss, however, be sure to not criticize! Living together is a huge step. But, fret not. We both enjoy the dual income no kids lifestyle! One of the most disappointing signs a guy is unsure of his feelings for you is that youre just not his priority. Make time for honest discussions about your feelings and try listening objectively to what he has to say. I'm not judging you or your preferences. Subscribe to iDiva and never miss out on the fun! If he is ambivalent about you, you could be setting yourself up for an unsatisfying or painful relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read. Ask him when would be a good time for him to have a discussion vs suddenly springing it on him without a warning. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is always better to know where people stand. Is it a fleeting thought on a random Tuesday afternoon? All too often, women go out of their way to please the people who are important to them. Ask yourself what your ideal relationship looks like, including which values you'd like your partner to have, how you want to feel on a daily basis, what you want the future to look like, etc. If theyre far from hitting the mark, and it shows no signs of improving, thatll definitely explain why you wake up in the morning feel unsure. Boyfriend I will often see women push harder, at their peril, when their boyfriend is trying to say they arent interested in long-term commitment. Is he having trouble with his family? We communicate really well and don't really ever argue. Finally, know that some relationships are not meant to be so finding out early is far better in the long run even if it may hurt at the moment. Be patient, and let it pass. He does, though, it turns out. This gives both of you the intentional space to focus on yourself and clear your mind. If youre total opposites, it may help explain why you dont feel quite right. 5 Relationship Experts Share the Must-Know Secrets To Overcoming Anxiety, He Doesnt Make an Effort Anymore 7 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips + Insights, When He Says He Needs Time To Think About the Relationship 7 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, I Like a Guy Who Is In a Relationship 4 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, He Led Me On and Now Wants To Be Friends 9 Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, How To Know If a Guy Really Likes You or Is Just Using You 4 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly How To Find Out, My Boyfriend is Ignoring Me What Should I Do To Handle This? Do you feel treasured and safe in his presence? When attempting to have this hard, but important conversation there are a few things to remember. Sure They Want a Future with You All rights reserved. Jamie Ratowski, LMFT www.BrightsideTherapyFL.com. What to do if your boyfriend is unsure of your relationship. You see, a relationship is a part of who we are, not all of who we are, and sometimes, when our things are not going so well in one area of our life, it may impact the other areas. If your boyfriend has let you know that he is unsure about your future, believe him. They stay in situations that arent serving them and when the thought of a big life change comes along (like moving in with a partner, getting married, having kids, etc. What role(s) will you want to fill moving forward? Complacency is the silent killer of a relationship and, unfortunately, something that hits romance all too commonly. Do you feel good about yourself in their presence? Identify the signs that your boyfriend is unsure of the relationship. Ask yourself if this partner is capable of doing those things for you. One of the most disappointing signs a guy is unsure of his feelings for you is that youre just not his priority. WebPsychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist My boyfriend is unsure of our relationship Is your relationship becoming stale? And even if you do part ways, the relationship will not have been for nothing. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! If there is an issue that needs to be worked on, chances are both of you need to work on it. Is he having trouble with his family? Is he someone you can count on when times get tough. If you dont want to meet in the middle, or theres an entire laundry list of compromises that need to be made, it often means you arent a good match. Talk to him about his feelings and listen without judgment. All rights reserved. It takes less than a minute! It doesn't look like you want The guy. 1. Maybe hes not ready to buy a house together, but hes ready to rent an apartment with you. The biggest question is: if you imagine your life one year, two years, or even five years from now, do you see your partner in it? Your Man Is Confused About You may still end it, Engler says, but you also might realize you just needed to work on healing old hurts in order to be fully happy. If theyre willing to change, the relationship may be salvageable. Talk openly and honestly about yourselves and the issues that have caused mistrust in the past. That is not to say they must check every box off your list. Many people in your situation place the relationship on probationthat is, give him a certain number of Reassure him that youre there for him and that youll take the time to hear them out. Unsure A recent career change, relocation, loss, or family dynamics could all cause your. Level with him. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. 7 Examples Of Experimental Intimacy In A Relationship, Understanding Your Boyfriends Uncertainty in the Relationship. Boyfriend Take the time to get to know who he really is, and to see if the relationship evolves in a healthy way. We don't spam, promise. My Boyfriend Doesnt Want To See Me As Much As I want To See Him What Should I Do? This is not a bad thing, but an opportunity for the two of you to recreate some of that spark. You can't control how he thinks, feels, or what he decides. My 11-year-old daughter wants to do the Master Cleanse with her friends. Archived post. So consider the balance and whether or not youre OK with it. We are both in our mid-20s. These women are looking for a clear answer about where the relationship is going. Consider your sense of humor, how you like to spend the weekend, and even how you socialize. It doesn't look like you want The guy. How To Understand Your Husbands Struggles In A Relationship. Is he reporting feeling pressure from you? My Boyfriend is Unsure About Our Future At least he has been honest with you. He made it clear that hes not ready for the level and pace of commitment that you are: moving in tomorrow, getting married next summer, having the first of many kids the following spring. With that in mind, I guess my question is if anyone else has ever experienced an unsure partner in terms of marriage in a relationship before? It makes no sense to me. This brings me to my second truth. What to do if your boyfriend is unsure of your relationship. TL;DR: My (22f) boyfriend (23m) is unsure about his future and wants to work on himself. A month? One of the first things to try is discussing that person's hobbies, interests and passions. I want to get married and have kids and Im starting to wonder if I need to end things with this guy because he just cant make a serious commitment. Have you clearly communicated this with your boyfriend? One of the most common reasons for a man to go from content to confused in a relationship is when it starts to become stagnant. After this initial getting to know you phase, you should be able to talk about how each of you feel about your future together. It takes about a year to get to know a person, even to make a friend. Your lives become way more emulsified than a traditional roommate situation where it truly is easier to live on parallel paths. Even when you think youre settled, its still possible to wake up one day and ask yourself, Am I truly happy?, While this question can come as a shock, it isnt one youll want to ignore.
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